Good For Nothing!

Everyone is so impressed with things like multi-tasking. Books are written on it. People brag about it on Facebook. Blah. Blah. Blah! I’m not impressed!

Everyone is so impressed with things like multi-tasking. Books are written on it. People brag about it on Facebook. Blah. Blah. Blah! I’m not impressed!

I’m what’s known as a lap dog. Definition: a small pet so precious, we not only want, but NEED to be carried about and reside mainly on laps. Yes I know, it’s a hard job, but I am up to the task.

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Me, hard a work!

Here’s how my workday goes:
7 am: Woken from a sound slumber by the shuffling of my humans feet. This arises in me the need to bark loudly reminding them to release me from my mountain of cushions in my crate.
7:05-7:45am: Weave in and out of the legs of my family as they try and fix breakfast, lunches and get dressed. This includes but is not limited to growling at my bowl, chewing on stray socks, shoes, erasers etc. as they float to the floor around me and generally “being a complete, and utter nuisance” (my mom’s words here, not mine.)

7:45am – 9pm: Now this is where my true talents are put to the test! Sleep on any soft surface I can find. If say, someone wants to take a nap. I’m there. If you wanted to watch tv, I’m there. If you wanted to read a book quietly, I – AM – THERE! Basically anytime you want to sit quietly and do nothing, I am your boon companion. Your BFF as you will, of total and complete loafing around.

9:01pm – 6:59am: Sleep, because all that work is exhausting!

dollythepug
Editor in Chief of “The Dolly Files”

Dolly The Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

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*&%^#!! Happens

For some reason, I am supposed to “go” outdoors. Not just outdoors, mind you either. But in the cheesily named “Poo Poo Patch”. Out in the wide open. With animals. WILD ANIMALS!

I put my paw down early and said no. I will not be subject to such barbaric treatment. I asked my people “Would YOU pee outside”? My dad said yes, and my mom did not comment (I find that telling).

Anyway, they ignored my pleas. So I had to resort to plain old stubbornness. Stubbornness has done me well in these past 3 months of my life. I first refused to switch to kibble from my moms milk. But the hollow pit in my stomach soon turned me to the sirens call of the kibble bowl. I then refused to sleep all night. I would whimper like a wounded animal for hours. That worked for a while until I was then put in a crate with a towel over it. Soon, I couldn’t resist the pull of a soft warm bed and pitch dark and fell asleep for the entire night.

Dolly stands tall in her solidarity with all dogs need to pee freely.
Dolly stands tall in her solidarity with all dogs need to pee freely.

But now I am on a mission. My sheer force of will is going to keep me from the denigration of the Poo Poo Patch. I will stand up for all those puppies who “went” before me. I will pee at will on the rug. I will hold it in when they take me outside, then go number 2 on the bottom step of the stairs (strategically located to be stepped in when they are careening down the stairs in the morning, oblivious to my IED).

Victory will be mine!

Signing off for now,

Dolly the Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

Brought to you by Diva-Dog. Manufactured in the USA
Brought to you by Diva-Dog. Manufactured in the USA