Day 20 – Lapping It Up

Today I am grateful for just being me… a pug. Being a pug has it’s privileges and among them is being a lap dog and I excel at that art. Lapping as we experts call it, requires letting all of your inhibitions go and being really, really pushy. Nobody, nowhere, and no time is off limits for taking your rightful place.

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Watching my favorite shows, in my favorite place.

Dolly The Pug

dollythepug
Editor in Chief of “The Dolly Files”

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Day Two

Day two on my 25 days of gratitude world tour takes us to my home. To a round, fluffy, cuddly, soft and warm little piece of this planet I call my bed. I acknowledge I sleep on many surfaces in my home. Couches, backs of chairs, my humans laps etc. but my own little bed is where I feel most secure.

Not only is my bed the once piece of furniture in the house that is solely mine, its portable! Its like having an RV. I drag it from room to room to follow the humans daily routines. Once the coffee pot goes on, my portable home takes to the road and we travel to the dining room where I wait for stray morsels of breakfast to land in my bowl. From there its a whirlwind of locations. The exotic land of Kitchen. Kitchen has hot and cold temperatures and the scent of far away places. One day it’s China and the next it’s Mexico. Living room is next on my itinerary. LR as I like to call it, is a veritable oasis. There’s cushions galore, carpet to run my paws across and it’s the home of many laps. And my all time favorite vacation spot is bedroom. Bedroom is where I stay-cation and relax.

This world traveler is now weary. I am going to drag my bed to Bedroom and park it. Au revoir, arrivederci and adios.beds.jpg

Dolly the Pug,
Editor
The Dolly Files

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Surviving Summer: Pug Style!

School is out, the sun is hot and I’m exhausted. It must be summer. And you know what summer rhymes with? BUMMER! Yes, you heard me right. I am not a fan of the summer solstice.

If you are built like me, short legs, or as I like to say – “ground hugging traction” you are  closer to the hot pavement. Additionally, my classic looks include a somewhat underdeveloped nose. It is of course fabulous to look at, but harder to breathe thru. Combine that with the fact that I am of generous proportions, and you have one hot dog!

I have found a way to combat the ravages of summer with a simple routine. I bask in the sun early in the day, and follow that up with a power nap. The power nap is a necessary part of this regimen. Without the added energy and vigor of the nap, I can barely gather myself for my midday snack!

I repeat step 2 & 3 (for those of you not listening, that’s another nap and another snack) a couple more times but within the confines of my luxury, air conditioned abode. This goes on for HOURS. Nap, snack, nap, snack etc. I call this “Beast Mode”. Caution: You have to work your conditioning up to this.

Finally the sun sets and I’m ready for dinner! It’s the best time of the day.

This short guide to summertime survival was brought to you by Diva-Dog!
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Good For Nothing!

Everyone is so impressed with things like multi-tasking. Books are written on it. People brag about it on Facebook. Blah. Blah. Blah! I’m not impressed!

Everyone is so impressed with things like multi-tasking. Books are written on it. People brag about it on Facebook. Blah. Blah. Blah! I’m not impressed!

I’m what’s known as a lap dog. Definition: a small pet so precious, we not only want, but NEED to be carried about and reside mainly on laps. Yes I know, it’s a hard job, but I am up to the task.

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Me, hard a work!

Here’s how my workday goes:
7 am: Woken from a sound slumber by the shuffling of my humans feet. This arises in me the need to bark loudly reminding them to release me from my mountain of cushions in my crate.
7:05-7:45am: Weave in and out of the legs of my family as they try and fix breakfast, lunches and get dressed. This includes but is not limited to growling at my bowl, chewing on stray socks, shoes, erasers etc. as they float to the floor around me and generally “being a complete, and utter nuisance” (my mom’s words here, not mine.)

7:45am – 9pm: Now this is where my true talents are put to the test! Sleep on any soft surface I can find. If say, someone wants to take a nap. I’m there. If you wanted to watch tv, I’m there. If you wanted to read a book quietly, I – AM – THERE! Basically anytime you want to sit quietly and do nothing, I am your boon companion. Your BFF as you will, of total and complete loafing around.

9:01pm – 6:59am: Sleep, because all that work is exhausting!

dollythepug
Editor in Chief of “The Dolly Files”

Dolly The Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

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Cute Is The New Camo!

While perusing the television with my humans, I ran across a “nature” program about camouflage as protection against predators. First of all, there’s nothing “natural” about living outdoors, hunting for your food, and missing nap times. It’s not just “un-natural” it goes against every fiber in my being!

Alas, I digress. The idea of camouflage is not new to me. I have been practicing my own version of it for months (I’m only 8 months old as I’m sure you already know). In order to protect myself from the occasional swats on my tush for chewing on a couch cushion, I go into “cute mode”. It involves my patented moves. There are many more, but for brevity’s sake, try these:

1. The side eye glance
2. The over the shoulder big eyes
3. The chin on the knee
4. The face between the paws

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Now, this is not for everyone. Heavens NO! In fact, you must first be adorable to pull off this trick. Once you’ve established your adorableness factor (between 7-8 is meh, I’m a 10+), you can then try the beginner moves. I would start with the “Face between the paws”. It works in the most dire of situations involving expensive footwear or the accident on the carpet.

Best of luck!
Dolly the Pug
For more hints, and suggestions ask Dolly:dolly@diva-dog.com

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Modeling: The Hardest Job in the World

I’ve watched bits and pieces of “Deadliest Catch”, “Ice Road Truckers” and “Ax Men” and I’m far from impressed. Although those humans put themselves in harms way to earn a living, nothing is as stressful as being a dog model.

Not only do I have to watch my weight, go to the pet salon regularly, and chew on bones to keep the gleam on my puppy teeth, but I also have to work on my poses. I must capture the moment in a slight turn of my head, or a parting of my lips. Take these poses for instance:

Intense
Intense
Bemused
Bemused
Captivated
Captivated
Baudy
Bawdy

So, the next time you watch “Americas Top Model”, show some respect. They work hard so you don’t have to.

Editor in Chief of "The Dolly Files"
Editor in Chief of “The Dolly Files”

Dolly The Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

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The Pupperazzi

I know that being a celebrity comes with a lot of perks, but it also comes with the loss of ones privacy. I can no longer go to the market and shop. Ok, I never went to the market anyway. But now, even if I wanted to pretend to be a commoner and buy a can of dog food at Walmart, I would be chased back to my limo buy the blinding lights of cameras. What barbarians!

Yes, you guessed it. I’m hounded by the puperazzi. Who are the pupperazzi you ask? Well, they are a certain breed of dog (cough, Rotweiller) that bottom dwell and make their living by harassing A-listers like myself. They doctor photos to make me look like I’m not bikini ready, I’m in a cult, I’m dating George Clooney or even worse, I’m ugly!

The Puperazzi caught Dolly in an undisclosed location, doing unmentionable things!
The Puperazzi caught Dolly in an undisclosed location, doing unmentionable things!

I’ve held my head high and ignored them for far too long. The current issues on the news stands have my hackles up. I merely dropped my Chanel bag while giving a homeless man a quarter and they went crazy snapping shots of me. Obviously they used Photoshop!

Signing off for now,
Dolly The Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

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Paleo Pug

My mom is always on a diet. She’s “low carb”. Whatever that means. I think she also mentioned something about gluten. I’m not sure what gluten is, but if it tastes like beef, count me in!

I’m always sitting on my moms lap near the tv (and ya wonder why she’s always on a diet)! Anyway, there was this lady on a morning show – rhymes with “Da-day Show” that said there’s this diet called the Paleo diet. Of course when I heard diet, I crawled under a cushion. But what she said made perfect sense to me. Paleo refers to cavemen and their daily routine of eating whatever was at their disposal. They were what is known as “Opportunistic Eaters”. That is moi! I eat pencils, shoes, loose belts on robes and toys. Anything that lands on the floor is fair game for me. And you know what? I’ve never felt better.

My slender waistline is a testament to my strict paleo diet.
My slender waistline is a testament to my strict paleo diet.

Of course I am also not opposed to a heaping scoop of kibble placed in a hot pink dog bowl.

Stop watching me!
This is NOT my third helping!

Bon appetite!

Dolly the Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

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First You Have To Admit You Have A Problem.

shoe2Some people like chocolate. I’m a dog. Chocolate is poison to us. So no, I do not have a problem with chocolate. Some people like exercise. I am a pug, and exercise is poisonous to us (not really, but I like to think it is). And some people like shoes. I like shoes. And therein lies the problem. I like ALL KINDS OF SHOES. Strappy sandals, plush slippers, rubbery soled sneakers and work boots. OH HOW I LOVE work boots. I could go on for hours about the smell of the suede, the texture of the thick, round shoelaces and the flavor of those hard soles. Mmmmmmm!

Ok, snap out of it Dolly! This is a column about admitting to yourself when you have a problem and according to my family, my shoe fetish has gotten way out of hand. My mom has sat me down and had a “puppy intervention”. I just looked at her with that dazed expression I get when I am hiding something and trying not to let on that I really know what she is saying. Deep down I know I should quit. But how (insert the word “why” here, because I really don’t know why I should give up this delightful pastime)?

You’re digressing again Dolly! I need a plan. I heard there is a “steps” program. Maybe I can come up with 5 steps to not chewing the begeezus out of my family’s shoes? Here goes. This is my “Five Steps To Not Eating Shoes” by Dolly the Pug:

shoe3Step 1. Take a nap. I’m always at my best after a nap. Yes, take a nap!

Step 2.  Eat. There’s nothing like eating to calm the nerves.

Step 3. Take another nap. Because, how can you keep your eyes open after eating all that food?

Step 4. Visit the Lady’s Room. Ok, we call it “Poo Poo Patch” and its behind the house, but I don’t want to sound crass.

Step 5. Um, I sort of forgot what we are doing here, so I think taking another nap sounds good.

Whew! Now that I’m rested and relaxed I think I’ll go for a stroll thru the closets to just “window shop”….

Til Next Time,
Dolly The Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

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Hello. Dolly!

Hi. My name is Dolly. Some people call me Dolly the Pug, Dolly Madison (because I’m sweet as pie – yuck) and Doll Face. You can call me Editor in Chief of the hippest dog column on the planet! Yes, you heard it right, I’m a dog and I write an advice and lifestyle column. Look for my daily noodlings on such things as “Cats! Why?”, “Naps…, Oh yeah naps…” and “What I Chewed on Today”. If you would like advice, I’m all ears too. Just email me your questions and quandaries and I will solve all of your problems. Or at the very least, make you smile.

Signing off for now to do some research on my naps article!

Dolly The Pug
dolly@diva-dog.com

Editor in Chief of
Editor in Chief of “The Dolly Files”