I have been asked by the press a million times on tips to becoming a successful diva. It is well know the world is at my feet. Kibble rains down like a spring shower whenever I bat my eyes and nobody can resist petting me (once I force my way onto their laps). But it hasn’t always been so.
I was once a small puppy with no game! Nil. Nada. I couldn’t beg to save my life. It was frustrating waiting on my humans to feed me on their schedules. They didn’t understand I needed hourly “top-offs” to my bowl. And their feeble attempts at throwing the tennis ball was appalling (for some reason my not returning the ball they threw, wasn’t part of the “game” and they lost interest in chasing me).
Cue the trumpets:
Move over Tony Robbins, because your self-help- guru-of-begging is here to show you how it is done! With only a few easy lessons I will have you eating out of your humans hands in no time.
Step One: Eye Contact
Now I mean eye CONTACT. Literally. Get your eyes as close to the humans as you can. If that means jumping up onto laps, do it! If that means interfering with their dinner, driving, or reading… do it! I’ve been known to cause near accidents with my aggressive approach. Granted, I’m no longer allowed to sit in the passenger seat without a restraint, but you get my point.
Step Two: Dogged Determination
Don’t let swats on your fanny deter you. If you get pushed off a lap, what do you do? Jump right back up there! If you get put in your crate what do you do? Howl like there’s no tomorrow (eventually you will either be let out, or they will put a towel over your crate and you will take a nap – which isn’t a bad option either.)
Step Three: Spell It Out
Humans aren’t smart. It’s a fact! I read it on the internet. You need to help these poor humans know what it is you want in the most rudimentary ways (bless their hearts)! They have to literally be lead by their noses. I’ve done it all. I’ve stood ankle deep in my food bowl, put the tennis ball in their hands, growled at the leash. Here is an example:
The ribs were about ready to come off the grill and I swooped into action. I positioned myself next to my prize and stared balefully into my humans eyes. I was completely in-the-moment. If there was an Academy Award for pugs, I would have won it for “Best Actress in a scene involving meats”.
Step Four: Look For Opportunities
A great example is when your human is reading the newspaper – POUNCE! Hit that newspaper like a football team going out onto the field. You will stun your human with this brash move. Follow up with licks to the face to compensate for the fact you are most likely going to get scolded. Then drop the tennis ball on their laps. And push it toward them with sad puppy eyes.
If I have enlightened a few puppies out there, then my work here is done. And your welcome!
Dolly The Pug
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